When I first started painting I found inspiration in more ways that I can remember. Over time I developed a style that could be called contemporary realism, being that it's very modern and that the images aren't abstract. I completely understand what people mean when they say that they "poured their heart and soul" into something because I do that every time I create. The problem is that I eventually got stuck. At first I painted just for the fun of it. It was new and was like a wild adventure that I couldn't get enough of. Then I started painting live in front of an audience and needed to learn a new approach to my work. I had to think the process out before I painted anything. That's when I realized that I needed to gauge where my heart was before I event started thinking about a painting. Remember that in this work I pour my heart and soul into them so if my heart is not in a place to our out love and joy the piece will reflect this. I truly believe this.
I rarely paint when I'm in a sour mood. This morning I painting live at my church, but wasn't motivated to. I was feeling a bit sad that I had reached out to several other artists to join me and no one responded. I set up my paint supplies on the stage about an hour before the service started and had only begun the piece an hour earlier at my home studio. I have learned that I don't create well in the spur of the moment so I spend a lot of time planning out what to paint, the concept of the image, finding good reference images to match the concept, thinking about the colors and what they mean, and the way I want to lay the colors on the canvas. I basically paint the canvas in my mind a day or two before I paint it. I spend roughly seven days working on this preparation before I paint a single stroke. Today was an anomaly. I didn't "feel" like painting. I almost didn't get out of bed, but I got up and started creating what I thought was a disaster. Since I hadn't done any prep work the canvas turned into a mess before the service started. I simply surrounded and silently told God that I believed He was calling me to paint this morning, so I showed up. If it turned out terrible, the fault was not with God, but with me.
Right about this time one of the worship singers walked past me on her way out of the room and said, "I'm glad you're painting today." Just because I didn't want to paint didn't mean that there wouldn't be something in me that could still make the painting beautiful. I am clear that I don't set out to make art that is dark, but art that is inspiring and uplifting. The singer's words encouraged me to press on regardless of what I thought of it.
By the time the service started that cloud had lifted, the painting started to come together and I knew that the circumstances for my procrastination were in the past. I was moving forward with a new mindset and joy. The painting turned out much better than it should have. After the service I told the singer that she really encouraged me with her words and that I almost didn't even show up this morning. The singer said, "I had a sense that you needed to hear those words this morning." I wanted to share why I had felt the way I did, but the singer's spouse called her over and the conversation was ended. As I write these words now and reflect on these events, I'm struck with a sense that the whole interaction with the singer was only three or four sentences and made a huge impact on my heart. I can say with certainty that the whole thing was like a sharp blade that cut through the jungle weeds surrounding my heart and clearing the path for me to enter into the presence of God with joy and gratitude. That's what cultivating your heart is all about. Whatever circumstances you're facing will change the moment the King of the universe sends an arrow the pierces your heart because His arrows never miss and they never destroy. The bring gifts that we can then share with the world around us.
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